Beginning from his college days at Yale and continuing throughout his early years, Morse had gained a fine reputation as a painter.  At 40 years old, he made a trip to Paris, believing that he needed to complete his education there to truly make his mark as a painter.  While in Paris, he spent time at the Louvre where he began a painting project he called “Gallery Of The Louvre”.  In 1832, he returned to New York where he completed his painting, which he believed to be an incredibly valuable work.  He was certain that he was on his way to fame and fortune as a painter.

Upon the unveiling of “Gallery Of The Louvre” in New York, Morse was distraught that his painting would bring only $1,300, far short of his asking price of $2,500.  In the following years, his life seemed to be full of broken dreams, the greatest of which was not being chosen to paint one of the historic panels for the Rotunda of the Capitol in Washington.

In his late 40’s, Morse felt so defeated by not being able to accomplish his dream of being a painter that he actually became ill and considered ending his life.  It was at this point in his life that he started working on his plans for the telegraph for which he gained fame and fortune.

Now, how about this unbelievable “story behind the story” . . . in 1982, over a century after Morse’s death, his painting entitled “Gallery Of The Louvre” was sold for $3.25 million . . . which was at that time the highest amount ever paid for a painting by an American artist!  I wonder if Samuel Morse was smiling in his grave?

(note:  see the entire story in the September 2011 issue of Smithsonian)

When she was eighteen years old, she married a neighbor boy, and at nineteen they had a daughter, so her life evolved into giving up teaching and helping her husband maintain the farm and the family.  The tough winters and summer droughts continued, and in addition, her husband became ill and was disabled.  After struggling through a few years, they lost a son in infancy and their house burned down.  They went looking for another place to find better times and settled in a small town in Missouri.

For many years in Missouri they struggled to get by . . . doing odd jobs and building a life on a small piece of property that they were able to buy with the help of her father.  During those years, one of her jobs was writing articles and editing for a small newspaper, and she discovered that she enjoyed writing.  She began writing about the experiences of her life and her youth.

By the time she had reached her early sixties, what little money they were able to save up was wiped out by the 1929 stock market crash and the resulting depression.  Their daughter, who had attained some success as a writer, also lost everything and moved home to live with her parents.  She gave some writings to her daughter to review, and as a result, her daughter helped her make a connection with a publisher.

At 65 years old, she had her first book published!  It was the first of the “Little House” series that evolved into “Little House On The Prairie”.  The books sold millions of copies and were printed in a number of languages . . . her name was Laura Engalls Wilder.

So . . . is it ever too late or too difficult to follow your destiny?  You decide!

After many years, I realized that these kids were not generally bad kids, they were probably just acting on their nature.  But of course, they had no idea what sort of pain they could inflict on someone.  Since I was a songwriter, I had to write a song about my feelings about the bullying I endured and how I had survived it.

In the song “Mama’s Boy”, I recalled the experience of not fitting in and being called names, but also recalled being inspired by my mother to just let it pass and be myself no matter what the kids said.  I was proud to BE my “mama’s boy”, she gave me the encouragement and faith to make my life better in spite of them.  In the bridge of the song, I wrote “he thanks God for them (the bullies) and his mama’s love for leading him down this road”.  I realized that these challenges shape our lives and can make us stronger if we have a positive attitude about it.

About ten years ago, I played the song “Mama’s Boy” for a Nashville panel of so-called “song experts” made up of major publishers, songwriters, and other music industry insiders.  Would you believe that they made fun of me for thinking that some country male singer would actually record a song with the title “Mama’s Boy”?  Just like in my younger days, these Nashville “experts” made me feel like I did when I was being bullied.  They were doing the very thing to me that I wrote the song about!

Today, when bullying has become such a huge issue, just maybe our society needs a song like “Mama’s Boy” to inspire and encourage the young people who are being bullied.  So, to those Nashville “bullies” who were just acting on their nature, I say “shame on you” . . . but, I also thank them for molding me into who I am!

Here’s to the survivors . . . Randi

You can hear the song at this link:  Mama’s Boy

But, nothing in life is guaranteed.  We have to make choices based upon the best information and experience we have available in the present moment.  We can only base those choices on our current beliefs and our understanding of who we really are at this moment in time.

Things that don’t work out like we expect are only signs and learning experiences that help us find our way.  They give us an opportunity to reevaluate who we are so that we can make choices in the future with more experience and wisdom.  We should strive to find happiness in the journey.  Past experiences are always positive if we see it that way … we should never regret any of them.

Something that doesn’t work out like you thought is just a “mountain that had to be climbed” … let’s all just go on to the next mountain!

Happy climbing … Randi

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Below is my poem “The Mountain” which was narrated on my 2008 album “Life Is Good” and included in my 2009 book “Tales From A Singer-Songwriter: A Spiritual Road”:

 THE MOUNTAIN By Randi Perkins 

I made my way up the mountain

Through the rugged valleys, against the rushing rivers

And over the jagged rocks ……

When I got high enough, I turned and I looked back down

At the lush and green and fertile plain ……

That I was struggling to get away from

I wondered why ……is the grass really greener somewhere?

But, I continued to climb ……against the driven snow,

the wind ……and against the loneliness ……

All in anticipation of what was on the other side

I finally got high enough to peer beyond the top of the mountain

And all I saw was barren desert ……

And I knew it was time ……to turn and go back down

But, in all of my sorrow and frustration from the climb,

I knew all was not lost ……

For it was a mountain that had to be climbed

I suggest that following our dream is not about money.  Dreams about money alone are just fantasy.  Financial success is only a by-product of successfully following our dream.  If one’s dream is about making money, my belief, is that they are unlikely to succeed and will be unhappy in the process.  Money is only some people’s measurement of success, but not the true measurement of success.

Following our dream is NOT about what we WANT!  Our dream evolves out of discovering who we ARE . . . through paying attention to our feelings, passions, words, and actions, and aligning those with our beliefs about who we ARE.  Just because we may WANT to follow a plan to make money, doesn’t mean that we believe and feel passionately enough about it to make it work.

Following our dream is an evolving process which may require changes in our thinking when our actions don’t produce expected results, and when we don’t FEEL good about our thoughts and actions . . . it’s a journey that WE choose.

Whoever we think we are and can believe that we are . . . is who we will become.

Happiness is found in the journey of discovering and following our dream, and is not a result of the outcome.

When my son Clark started grade school, and began to interact with fellow students and evolve as a young child, I was of course a proud dad.  I observed his triumphs, challenges, and disappointments and like any parent, wanted to be there for him in any way I could.  I wanted to be his hero.

In the first grade, Clark always told me he was the fastest runner in his class.  In the spring, the school had their annual “field day” and Clark was sure he would win his race.  When the race was done and he didn’t win, I was torn by the emotion of the moment and the look of disappointment on his face.  I think he felt he had let me down, but I did everything I could do to reassure him that he did his best, and that was the most important thing.  I was inspired to write the song “You Are My Teacher”, because it occurred to me that not only are they learning from us, but WE are learning from them.

Now, fast forward about a dozen years and Clark is a freshman at Vanderbilt University in Nashville.  He was initially accepted into the Arts and Sciences school, but also wanted to declare music as a second major. 

Clark plays French horn, and in December, 2010, Sandy and I attended the recital of Leslie Norton’s French horn students at Vanderbilt’s Blair School of Music.  As Sandy and I listened to the horn soloists that performed before Clark, who was number six on the program, I realized how good and accomplished they all were.  I started to wonder if Clark was getting nervous, if he was worried about measuring up to them.  He had many musical accomplishments in high school, but this was a new level, and I wondered to myself if he would be OK, if he would play to the best of his abilities and conquer his fears.  After all, he was just a freshman amongst some who were upperclassmen, and music is his second major.

When it was Clark’s turn, he got up there very confidently, deciding to stand rather than sit, and calmly prepared himself, then signaled the accompanist that he was ready.  He began to play, and after the first notes began coming out, I was amazed at how smooth and in-tune he was.  How the sound was filling the room and the dynamics were heart-felt.  The spirit of the music was in him in that moment.  I don’t know whether he played it flawlessly, but if he missed something, I didn’t notice.  There was clearly something different about him that set him apart from the other horn players.

One could say that I was just a proud dad (and I was), but I knew some transformation had occurred within Clark, and that inspired me.  He had exceeded my expectations of him.  He had made a huge leap from the last time I had heard him play in a similar setting the prior year when he was in high school.

After thinking about the performance, I realized how much he had changed and grown up since he moved into that dorm at Vanderbilt in August 2010.  The confidence and the brilliance of that horn performance was a mere reflection of the man that was growing inside of him.

That night, I saw something in him that inspired me to be better at who I am, and to be the best I can be.  Clark is my hero!

After my brother Scott died in 1995, I began thinking about how short life really is and that I had better get on with following my dream. . . life wasn’t really about the money.   I was reminded again in 2000 when my dad retired from farming and he told me “farming was my dream” after I had asked him what his true dream really was.   Farming isn’t necessarily easy, and to be successful, one has to have passion for it . . .  and it’s not about the money.  These “wake up calls” got me started writing and performing more and looking to get involved in organizations and events to further my musical career.  But time had moved on, I thought I was too old to be a performing artist.  My choices were getting limited weren’t they?  The thought about going out and performing, and doing things that artists do, seemed to be a selfish thought, that people would perceive that I was doing this “just for me”, that I was being irresponsible by not pursuing something to make more money.  It made me feel guilty for thinking about an artist career at my age.

I began pursuing other avenues in the music business, I managed a couple of artists, did some business management, thinking that I could be making money in the business and still find songwriting and performing opportunities.  But it became clear that I wasn’t going to be able to live my “artist life” dream through the life of another artist.  More and more, I was drawn to resuming my dream to be a recording and performing singer-songwriter and I recorded another album in 2008 called “Life Is Good”.  But, the guilt and the feeling that I was being “selfish” still gnawed at me.

My dream and my desires are NOT about ME.  I’m not sure when I received this revelation, but it really changed my life and my thinking.    I became conscious of the idea that my gifts, talents, desires, and dreams were God given and I had been given them for a reason.  It was a calling, a destiny, a way of living that was designed for me in order to make a difference in OTHER people’s lives.  Sharing my gifts, stories, experiences and insights is not about me, but about an audience who may be moved, inspired, or needing the message I can convey.

Following our dreams is not about us, it’s about making a difference for the people who need the gifts that we have been given.

Living in Nashville, I am amongst hundreds of others who refer to themselves as “singer-songwriters” and I have come to realize that we are not all the same.  In fact, I believe that I belong to a special class of artists, relating personal experiences through song in my own way.  I drawn upon the influence of the 70’s singer-songwriters such as Dan Fogelberg, Gordon Lightfoot, James Taylor, Billy Joel and John Denver.

Over the years, many people have come to Nashville with big dreams of being successful songwriters, lured by thoughts of fame and money.  A whole industry has grown up around teaching, coaching, and critiquing songwriting and attempting to impose certain rules upon the craft.  Even though I believe that a certain amount of songwriting can be taught and I admit we are all learning and growing in the craft, the true seed of songwriting comes from the soul.  People like me are born into it and are destined to follow the calling.

Songwriting attracts many different kinds of people for different reasons, most of the time it is the perceived lifestyle, fame, money, the process, or the kind of people.  The Nashville publishing community and the need for relationships has proliferated the idea of “co-writing” which has largely expanded the definition of “songwriter”.  It is widely perceived that basically anyone could be a “songwriter”.  I would agree that anyone who is passionate about something can achieve it, but maybe there should be some distinctions in the definition about who is a “songwriter”.

In a recent newspaper article about a pro football quarterback who writes “songs” and is setting up a publishing company, the “songwriter” commented that he was sometimes intimidated because he wasn’t very “musical”.  A well known songwriter and recording artist responded that “you don’t have to be musical to write songs”.  Now, if you are not musical, I think your contribution to a song is as a “lyricist” or “song idea person” and you are not really a “songwriter”.

In the Nashville social scene, the first question that comes up is “do you want to get together and write”.  For political and economical reasons, it is perceived by most in the songwriting and publishing community that “co-writing” is the primary means to success in Nashville.  If one only contributes to songs through collaboration, then you are a co-songwriter or “co-writer” and not really a songwriter in the true sense of the word.    I am not being critical of “co-writing” because it is valuable tool for some people and I have done some “co-writing” myself, but my co-writing is an activity outside of what I do as a singer-songwriter.

One of the ways to get exposure to the Nashville community is through participating in writer’s nights where a group of songwriters get up on stage and take turns performing their songs.  Writer’s nights are a great way to hone your performing skills and meet other songwriters.  Most of these performers would refer to themselves as singer-songwriters, but in reality, they are usually “co-writers who sing”.  This may not seem like an important distinction to some, but to a singer-songwriter artist like me, the ability to sing and co-write songs does not necessarily make one a “singer-songwriter”.

We all need to seek our paths to success in our own ways.  “Success” in the songwriting business may take many forms and many meanings.  It may be defined as a level of commercial success or it may be something else.  There are places for everyone who can lend their talents to the components that make up a song and each can attain their own definition of success.  For me, success would be fulfilling my destiny through relating my life experiences in songs delivered through my own personal performance and making a difference in someone’s life. 

If I write a song with someone else, I am a “co-writer”.  If I sing a song I didn’t write, I am a “singer”.  If I perform a song that I co-wrote, I am a singer/co-writer.   But the thing that really drives me is the pursuit of my soul’s passion to relate my own ideas in my own way as an artist.  I am a singer-songwriter.

The opening song on the CD is “The Last Harvest”, a very special song to me since it was written about a conversation with my Dad which brought to light the values and determination that he stands for.  I believe we should all be searching for our true calling in life, and when we find it, we should pursue it as if our life depends on it.  If nothing else, we set an example for our kids and for generations on down the line.  The legacy we leave is truly “The Last Harvest”.

My team and I are promoting “The Last Harvest” to contemporary folk oriented radio… terrestrial, satellite, and internet.  I believe one guy, one song, just might make a difference.  Even if it is just to one person to pass on down the line.

I’m excited to now focus on performance scheduling, radio promotion and media interviews.  The dreamer in me still thinks that maybe my songs and stories can make a difference and change the world, even if it starts with one person.  But hey, every journey starts with a single step.